Ladies I am on the move!!!!

It is summer and all the guys will be out and I'm trying to catch me on one. Girls I'm trying to step my game up in all aspects. I have been reborn in these bast 3mths and I am a new Women, LADY, Sister, Female and more. I'm looking for new things, change and to better my life. I'm building from the bottom up this summer!!!

So it's 2010...can we do this again?

2010 IS THE START OF THE NEW DECADE i WAS BORN IN THE START OF THE BEST DECADE EVER...the 90s!!!! and now I'm in my 2nd yr of college in the start of hopefully another. In 2010 I hope to gain new thing and do new things in my life. So the motto of the year Is : "2010...where it all begins or where we do it all over again!!!"

Tall and Tan, Young and Handsome the boy from Ipanema goes walking.....

Tall and Tan, Young and Handsome the boy from Ipanema goes walking..... in to 2 of my classes this semster. I've been feeling him since last semester when we had 2 classes 2gether as well. The first day I noticed him I haven't stopped looking his way since. Yesterday we had a nice talk and he drove me to my dorm. I'm so scared to tell him that I like him because this boy from Ipanema is white and I'm black I'm scared of what's there. I don't know if he could like me or not...my friends tell me I will never know untill I ask...ugh I need 2 get over my shyness with boys and stop being scared. I got invited to hang with him 2...I may take him up on his offer!!!!


hAVE cLASS @ 9:25.....ttyl...~Smilez~

The Return

So it has been a while since I wrote here it goes my Freewrite.........

So I have return
Back to the place
That has ripped me into shreads
And taped me back together
So many times
Now that I have spent large amounts of times away
This place I label HOME
Has become a stranger to me
Everything about this place
Now ticks my nerves
Make my blood boil
When the ugliness that I hate shows its face
I can't take a stare at it face 2 face
I love the return to this original kingdom
Unreplicable but tried by many
The people I cross
I feel are stuck in the bubble of this metropolis
Well some but it halts things
I just wish everything
Would just flow
Be simple
At least for once

Hmmmmm............. it has been a while...yup yup.

Back at school now up in Rochester!!!! Yay since August. This summer was a laidback one where I just chilled had some me time and took care of the gramz. I lost my best friend since the 3rd grade.... but shit happens right. Shows how much value our relationship had. I saw some people I haven't in a long time and was able to have my last summer moment with the besties 'til next summer!!!! A few people I didn't see but will possibly visit them at their schools!!!


Now I'm in my 5th week of school my sophomore year is really here already a year done and 2 1/2 yrs of undergrad to go!!!! I'm really here and at occasion it still seem surreal but now that I have a major I'm starting to think of my future path on where I truly want to be.

My friends and I are bringing this sophomore year in hard with leadership roles on campus and many goals that will change this campus hopefully and positively. I love my classes they are the stepping stones for me.

Loving being at school but sort of missing my friends back at home 2!!!

Thought Product of a Virgo infused Rage

He watched the sun rise In her eyes
And watch the world die in mines
Only seeing the joyous side
He couldn’t bare the morbidness within that lies
Deep in the soul of this lost girl
Caught in The zone
He observed the glittery rays
Not caring of the pervious days
His mother telling him 2 remember that everything that glitters ain’t gold
That even if the core is ccld
Warmth can change its flow
She was riding the fence
From one life to another
Trying to convince that she was one and hiding the other
Who she wanted to be
And who she really is
She tried to be what she saw
But who she was- was different, original Straight RAW
But all they saw was her disguised
Labeled by her smile and sweetness
She wasn’t allowed to be sad
Cause no one could understand
He couldn’t see her potential
He only observed with his eyes but not with the mental
She didn’t seem to be worthy
Of his time or acknowledgement
The words she would text were ignored
Her attempts to makes moves were like knocking on deaf doors
Only he was allowed to interrogate
Without hesitation she answered every ques. not a second late
Hoping to bring him closer
But it was all pointless
Because from jump it was all over

By the time he realized
What was right before his eyes
That it was priceless
But now by him tarnish and tainted-demoralized
It was too late
Cause now in his arms laid their ending fate
Him staring into her eyes
Watching what he waited for all his life
Die
Her finally having someone see her for the first time
And the last time
Be cause her last breath
She had just taken was the end of her fall
But it was the best breath
That began and ended with a kiss from his lips
Like Romeo and Juliet

BLIND SENSES

I'm lookin in the mirror and everything seems fine to me, looks fine to me, sounds fine to me. BuT i'M CONSTANTLY hearing peopls say lately that something don't seem right with you Smilez or you sound down...like your mind is somewhere else.

I'm starting to worry that it might be true and I'm just oblivious.

I'm feelin lost and I don't want to lose myself...... getting into bad patterns. I think I'm in trouble that I may pick up a bad habit...so I replace a bad habit with

another bad habit.

I need the besties right about now...I'm feelin that way again.I'm not likin the feeling. Everything seem all over the place and I can't get a grip

UNTITLED

Overall I have seen the promise
Not the land
But I heard
The words so vivid
It’s clarity unexisting
But in this time for
Now everything is in a blur
Chaos is living
Breathing its very own version of oxygen
Its only in this monster chaos can be seen
But it hides anywhere
Mostly in positions of power

This promise
If only I can show you
The masterpiece those words had drawn in my brain
Full of clouds, swirls, smiles, sunshine, peace, unity,and love

This Promise

Could Reconstruct

~BY:SMILEZ!

So it's Prom Season and I'm a College Student

So right now alot of my friends are going to their proms this year and I'm so jealous. I can't lie... I really wish I went to minds. I feel so sad about it...like I really missed out on something and I did. It was my choice though and I can't change that. I just really wish I went and thing happen for a reason. I'm glad for thse who went enjoyed themselves. I spent my prom day with one of my best friendS. I have attached some prom scenes...some that u kno don't really happen...lol. I'm already over it....lol.

She's All That and High School Musical 3

Last 2 weeks in chaos, frustration, and sadness
LOST
sick
No solitude
Only 1 I can reach 2 busy
No comfort

I just love theses 2 songs: Smokey Robinson & the miracles:

CRUISIN'



Ooh Baby Baby

~Contribution 2 the Future~

All In My Hands ( Photo By: Eman Rimawi)

Sorry it's been a while so much has been going on and so much has not been. Right now I've been back at college for about a month and I'm already dying 2 come home. Everytime I wake up for class it's like am I still really here?? Why am I not at home. I miss my friends , my family and just everything that is home for me... I just need something or someone to make me feel at home... I'm hoping one of my friends come to see me or I get 2 see one of them. Talking on the Aiming is not enough. I just really need some NYC time and some home time as well as some me time. Time is going by so quick and I htought I had enough to choose what I want to do in life but I'm not sure. I met this kid like 2wks ago that works at the info desk and he has been to 4 schools and had like 5 majors and I'm like I hope that won't be me but there is a chance I could be come a school major hopper ( Does that even make sense??). It happens to some but I have and idea but it branches off in to 2 many majors. There are so many fields to study but are there spaces to be occupied in the end??? This world is falling in a pit and if we don't move quick enough to get out we will reach the bottom and it's going to be hard to get out of there then. Thousands of people are being laid of and all occupations are downsizing and everything is being filled that's left. There are adults killing their families because they don't want there families to suffer through the struggle. They don't realize that even before all of this, people have been struggling. Even as someone whose life wasn't filled with luxuries I still fear what awaits not sure of how hard we will hit and how much damage will be caused. It's gonna be up to me and everyone that's in my generation now to help rejuvenate the world and the earth to a balance. I just want to make sure I make the right choice for what my contribution will be.

THOUGHTS

I know it has been a while since I have written and I'm sorry..I don't even know if anyone reads this or cares about my though but I do have a couple of followers that I hope acknowledge to read my words.

I always question my thoughts my word cause I grew up feeling and thinking that my words didn't matter and everytime I get into and arguement with my moms that occurs.

Someone has left me and went to the Marines...a friend of mines for High School....I'm gonna miss our talks so much....and I didn't even get to say goodbye really....So I wrote him on aim knowing he would get it when he signed in how I felt.....And I heard he got it but he never wrote back or called...I 'm jus stressing cause I wish he would of wrote back cause he's gonna be gone for a while.

I don't know what else 2 say so I'm done............'til next time.

Are the right ppl being chosen 2 serve and protect?

One of my friend on Facebook posted the link to a video that talked about an incident that occurred on New Years Day in Oakland,California....it's not shocking because incidents such as these have happen many time before...but it just sad when they do happen.Its just so sad because the person was innocent and it's just so wrong.....and you know people are hurting and even people who are not related still hurt as well because the could of been someone they knew or even themselves.

WATCH THE VIDEO BELOW..............It speaks for itself:

I Just Happened 2 Stumble upon ...BEYONCE'S NEW VIDEO!!!!

~HALO AND DIVA~BEYONCE'S NEW VIDEO!!!!!

X-mas Eve,Birthdays, Discovering and No expectation of gifts!!!!

Today I talked to he and found out that he didn't like she. I told him how I felt but to me it didn't matter anymore. I realize there is so much more out there that HE and Simple Boy help me realize that. Friends are great to have and I love my friends they have become a major part of my life...like family.

Now on to the real business.....Today is Christmas Eve and my Grandma's 70th birthday!!!! I spending it with just her and me. I also found out my sister may have the baby sooner than expected!!! My third niece is on the way!!! In 2 wks I will be back @ skool whomp Whomp.

I just want to wish everyone a Happy Holiday!!!! Christmas 2008!!!

The Simple Boy Saved me

I just wanna Shake my head until it falls off. Yell until my voice box shatters or get expired from over usage. Run until I can't breath anymore or lay underwater as if I'm the only one in the world. Right now I just wanna get away. Today I had such a great day until I came home and talk to my friend. I hate this constant repetition of being hurt. I was hurt but I won't tell her that but I know she sort of knows.Happiness can never be constant and if it is you must be located in some other dimension than I. Cause I'm.........................................in a place where there is no shield that can stop you from hurting....a parade always get rained on.

This is how it goes:

"OMG you can't believe this Brooklyn"

I'm like what?

He...he asked me 2 do something 4 him

...(I'm NOT ALLOWED 2 TELL)

....Cause he never had really

If u saw my facial expression

She already know how I feel about he

I noticed him first in the 10th grade

Only I and no one else

And he notices her

He likes her though (WHOMP!WHOMP!)

He wants 2 do w/e it was that he said

But it's not her fault

Am I cursed?

Because this happens everytime

Then The Simple Boy AIMed me and brought a smile to my face....he erased all that was on my mind at the moment(even though I know it will return). I will be sad when he leaves. But he just sidetracked me into another place and now I'm glad. It's just crazy how emotions can switch over as quickly as they do for me. Simple Boy is so sweet and I think he could do so much with his life. But some paths are meant to be taken while others come later on. I just hope everything goes well for him.

SORRY I JUMBLE A LOT JUST HOW I AM...............

Blessing The Blog

Here is the first of hopefully many blogs 2 go because just like my journal I may write at first everyday and then only come around when something big and noteworthy happens to write.I'm not making promises but I will try.This will be the freewrite course on anything I want to write or post soooooooooooooooooo.... lets get it pumping.

~>Over the past week I've been watching alot of spoken word and poetry on YouTube and it make me miss so much how I use to be able to just throw poetry onto a paper with such ease. Now I have been experiencing writers block and it's the most hurtful thing how things that were once in the moment become just a memory. A reminiscing of the yearning I have to do something with what I say. I feel like I have gone back to my old self...scared to express how I feel and say whatever was own my mind. Let everyone else shine and feel like I'm not worthy enough that my star is actually a speck of dust. But I still feel that urge to write still with in me. A friend of mines once told me that it will all return in time and that I must be patient and that's what I've been doing.

I want to share something that came across my mind to write about today and it relates to a heart (Tell Me What You think):
Mother Nature snowed on my heart
Making my heart cold
When she got sunny
It began to melt
But she ended up turning my heart into ice
Because her breath I mean
The wind was still cold
Causing the melting to over froze
As she got hotter
My iced out heart liquified
And it's liquid flowed
On to the street cracks in the concrete
Land of Bed-Stuy
Hoping something will grow from it
Like Tupac's Rose did in the concrete
Hoping it will nurture
A community of lost children
With broken dreams
Broken home
To have something to hope for
Cause I gave up my heart just for them
To the rays of the sun hoping it products will be much more than a rainbow
Like those after sun showers
Leaving me heartless
Until it snows again
And the Icy Cold nurturing heart will be rebirth
Product of Mother Earth